Homicidal!Liu x Suicidal!Reader

The following fan-fic includes mature language and strong suicidal content. Under no circumstance is this written as an influence to host a depression phase or attempt to self harm. Read at your own risk. You have been warned.

Pain.

Embrace the pain.

Enjoy the sweet lingering pain.

The thoughts were cluttering into your mind as another slit appeared on your wrist. Releasing the shard of glass, a shivering smile crept in the corner of your mouth as you held the various cuts on your wrist. The blood seeped out of the multiple slices rapidly as you just stared at the crimson colored fluid.

Pain wasn't something you were exactly scared of, it was something you took interest in. It made you feel, well... Alive. "Damn, at it again are we?"

You looked up to see the drowsy eyes of none other than Kimmy. The two of you were crooked street walkers, sharing one cigarette occasionally and sharing pennies to keep your fragile souls alive. "Of shut the hell up, you're no better you big douche." You smiled sarcastically and gripped more onto your recent cuts.

Laughing, Kimmy stood beside you and rolled back his head onto the brick wall that cornered the alleyway. Pulling out of his pocket was a small bag that contained of white content, reminding you of flour. "Want some?" Kimmy offered and began to unravel the small plastic baggy.

Of course, it came to your attention this was obviously some sort of addictive drug Kimmy must've gotten himself tangled up with. "Nah man, I don't go for that shit." You shook your head and declined, wobbling to your feet as the blood loss began to slow. "Anyways, I've been a solid sober for half a month and I'm keeping it that way." You couldn't help but boast about it.

Kimmy chuckled and mounted a pile of the anonymous drug to your knowledge onto his tongue. "You said that last month, and the month before that, and the-"

Growling, you interrupted him and gave Kimmy a whack to the side of his head. "Listen smart ass," You began lecture number, what was it? "I've been pretty damn proud about myself lately and like to keep it that way." You stated and folded your arms. "I don't need scum bags like you bringing me back down in the shit hole, at least I try to get a good hold of my life unlike some people I know..." You were sure to give Kimmy a good death glare just as you said the last words.

He just laughed even more and hauled himself forward from leaning against the wall. "Don't listen to me, after all, I'm just that scum bag guy." He grinned and winked before walking off and disappearing to the corner of the alleyway.

Rolling your eyes, you sighed and slouched over. You didn't know how much more of this you could take. Self harm and suicidal thoughts, the major use of alcohol and minor drugs you took was all you had left in your life, and was also the only thing that kept you alive for tomorrow. But it never occurred to you that life didn't work that way, until now.

The sun set, and just as usual, you were on your way to find yourself yet another bed for open usage. As you came upon the end of the empty street you were walking, ahead lay a lit up tent colored in red and white stripes. You could hear muffled music playing and people racing around the tent. Rummaging in your pocket, you fished out a cigarette and lit it with your last match. "Hm," You said and squinted to perhaps get a better view.

As you began to approach the large circular canvas, your smoke flickered out until all was left was cooling ash at the end. You spit out the cigarette and held you hands in the back of your pockets. "Hello," You greeted a woman with a red shirt, denim jeans and a thick blonde ponytail.

"Ah, you must be... Jen, you applied to joining the circus last week, correct?" She smiled and looked down at the clipboard in hand.

It took you a moment to process as to what to say. Was this a perfect time to apply for a job, even though you'd be known as someone else? "Uhh," You fiddled with your hands until the final decision was official. "Yes! That's me!" You smiled brightly and peered up to try and look what the woman was writing.

She looked up and dropped the pen onto the clipboard. Extending her arm towards you, she opened her hand for a welcoming handshake. Anxious, you shook her hand and she smiled. "Terrific! I'm Karen, the one you talked to on the phone? So if I heard correctly, you wanted to sign up as a makeup artist?" She asked you and began to jot down words onto a paper.

You widened your eyes, knowing you had no experience with makeup in general. "Uhh, yes..." You nodded and glanced over her shoulder to see people dressed in colorful clothing and silly red balls on their noses, tossing and catching bowling ball pins quickly.
 
You were instantly intrigued as to whatever this place was. "Great, I'll give you a tour of back stage and you can get started for tonight's show. You remember the currency don't you?" She asked and put her pen into her shirt pocket and the clipboard held at side. You shook your head. "That's alright, it's 25$ per hour. Is this amount to your likings Miss..." She checked her clipboard and scanned it quickly. "Ah, Miss Thompson?" She smiled.

This was your new name, your new identity. No longer would you be known as that nobody girl (y/n). You were Jen Thompson, and it was going to stay this way. 'So this is how it feels to have someone know you...' You couldn't help but just smile at the thought. "That will do just fine." You nodded briefly. 'I wonder what 25$ in my hands feels like...'

----

"Jen, we've got five minutes 'till show time!" Karen chimed in through the curtain that separated the stage from back stage.

You sighed. Over the past few months, you've gotten to get a good hand at makeup. So much, that you even knew how to do proportioned cat eyes! Although makeup still wasn't fully something you'd learn to cope with, it was worth the money! You had been saving up recently to rent an open house some where in the urban parts of town. "And... Done!" You smiled and twirled around the newly joined girl named Sadie.

You dropped the makeup brush into the kit and locked it shut as you gave her a moment to reflect on her goofy makeup. "Woah," She smiled and pulled out five dollars. "shh, don't tell anyone." She winked and dashed off to wait in line with the others.

As you heard the microphone turn on and the audience silencing, you smiled. Although you usually stayed to watch the show, you hadn't gotten a good meal in at all today and could use today's payment to buy some cheap dinner and then get back to your apartment. "Karen," You called as the manager turned to face you with a smile. "I'm going." You mouthed and she nodded.

With that, you exited the tent from behind and pulled out your money you had gotten. Smiling, you saw a busy street ahead and decided since you were too tired to walk all the way to the center of town, to just hitchhike. Yes, you knew this wasn't the safest thing to do with the recent crime status going up, but what could a poor girl do?

Standing on the edge of the sidewalk, you put up your thumb and waited for a car to slow down. "Isn't that a little dangerous? A pretty girl like yourself shouldn't be catching a ride from some stranger."

Turning, you saw a man standing behind you wearing a casual scarf and a sweatshirt. The face was hidden by the shadow of the hood that loomed over his head. Narrowing your eyes, you stepped aside. "Am I offending you in anyway? Because obviously, if you're trying to-"

"Who said I was offended? I was just giving some friendly advice."

"Advice that seems very hypocritical, you're telling me to not trust a stranger while you are one. Therefore, why should I trust you?" You smirked.

"So you were listening to me..."

"Well, duh..." You slowly started to get nervous again.

It was quiet between you and this... Well, man. Taking in a deep breath, you slowly turned back again to raise up your thumb but just as your shirts sleeve rolled down to reveal your risen thumb, a hand quickly slithered over your mouth as you felt a hand yank you backwards by the hair. Screaming inside, you tried your best at prying the cold hand that silenced your voice apart from your lips but no progress happening at your struggle. "Shh," He whispered as you felt thorns rub against your legs.

Yes, he was dragging you into the forest that lined the field from street. This was sure to be your grave... "Please let me go." You whimpered as he released and pulled you close.

You looked up, but yet no face was revealed as helpful identification as to who was kidnapping you. You slowly buried your hands into your pockets and sure enough, the money must've fallen out from the rough dragging and pulling. "Listen to me you little-" Just as he gripped onto your wrists, you felt as his strong hold slowly decreased as his fingers caressed the torn flesh from your self harm a few months back. "Y-you do this??" He asked and quickly lifted your hand to pulled down the sleeve.

Gulping, you watched as he closely examined the deliberate cuts in your wrist. "Yeah..." You said in a shaky voice, wondering if this was just another weird thing this guy got off on or something he had problems with.

"I used to do that..." He muttered and slowly, pushed back the hood.

Revealing himself, were scars and indents all over his pale face. As you observed him closeley, you noticed his bright green eyes like a vivid shining emerald and multiple stitches in various area of his face. No matter how much you wanted to ask him what had happened, you knew that the answer would lead to anger and violence. "Why?"

He tossed back your wrist and leaned himself against a tree, gliding his fingers across the many scabs on his arms that exposed of previous self harm attempts and were successful. "Because... Because of, him... I loved him so much, and it was my job to protect him and make sure he didn't turn out to be the person he is now." Tears began to streak down his dull cheeks as he buried his face into your shoulder, holding you tight.

Not knowing how to react at all to this, some how you just understood him. Yes... You did, you knew exactly how he felt. Patting his back, you smiled a little and pulled back to get a look at his face. "I don't know who you are, or why you dragged me back here. I don't even know who 'he' is. But I can promise you this, that I've been there... I know that it sucks, and that it feels endless. But trust me, it'll get better."

Silence was embraced and you stared at the stranger's dimming exotic eyes. "My names Liu..."