You smiled awkwardly in front of Damien, you legs pumping back and forth as you swayed in the swing. “So how have you been?” you puffed out the stored air from your lungs as you spoke.
Damien kicked at the ground, shuffling his feet back and forth. You watched and felt as a sore lump in the back of your throat bitterly rise and your stomach churned back and forth like major waves in an ocean storm. You repeatedly had to remind yourself what it was about Damien that just appealed ever-so vividly in your perspective. He stared at you, and shrugged timidly. “Uh, I’ve been better...”
Immediately, you knew he was hinting that his summer vacation so far was so boring because he’s been putting up with you. Your cheeks singed scarlet and you bit your bottom lip bashfully. “Listen, Damien-” you felt your words bend away from your tongue as he turned around and ran off.
You watched, and felt your heart skip before you realized he was hugging some anonymous blonde chick. ‘So shes the one he met online. Well, I don’t blame him for falling in love with her...’ you sighed and jumped off the swing, slowly skidding towards the two hugging friends before you decided it would e best to let him enjoy his summer away from you and with, well... Whoever she was.
You scratched at your nape and slowly stepped aside, walking through the tall green grass and watching your feet carry you. “___!”
Flinching, you lifted your head and looked over you shoulder to see your friend Amber waving your direction. You slumped over a little, disappointed the one calling your name wasn’t Damien or at the least, you ex boyfriend Sam. Lets put it this way, Macy wasn’t your favorite person out of the list of friends you had. But unlike you, your friends had better things to do then watch movies and cry over boys you can’t get. And despite the fact Macy was just one of those girls who nodded and followed along, you just found her somewhat... Annoying. “Oh wow, hey Macy.” you pursed your lips and wore a fake smile as you swung your backpack around to pull out your phone and headset.
Macy giggled and watched as you unlocked your phone. You looked up and tried not to say anything that would keep her mouth running. She wore the usual, a blue and gray kitten sweatshirt along with baggy red shorts and her hair ran down her left shoulder in a loose braid. “How are you?” she playfully nudged your shoulder. “I went swimming with my cousin yesterday!” oh God... Here we go. “I had so much fun, but I got water in my ear and had to get it out which took like four hours or so,” even you didn’t have time to it was waste four hours to get a stupid drip of water out of your ear! “but it was so worth it because now I can hear with both ears again!!”
You nodded, as if you really cared, though. You slowly took the absence of her attention on you to put on your headset and enjoy your favorite tunes. You would choose music over talking about ridiculous things anytime. “Sounds good.” you looked down and watched you shoe laces swing around.
Macy stared at you a little and gave a long face. It wasn’t like you were trying to be rude and ignore her entirely... Well, maybe it was like that. But you weren’t purposely trying to make her feel lonely. You just didn’t see any point in talking with her. “Listen Macy,” you slid off one side of your headset. “you see, I have a uh... A busy week and I kind of want to just take a relaxing walk. So if you could maybe just uh-”
“Leave?” she scoffed and stepped in front of you. “Oh yeah sure, of course.” she began to talk sarcastically, and this was the first time you could tell she was done with being pushed around. “Just don’t mind me, I’m just that weird girl with the irritating laugh and weird style. No, __, no. You listen to me,” you gulped and took a step back. You wanted to just die right now, really, and the amount of embarrassment as people passed giving the two of you quick looks of disapproval wasn’t helping. “I won’t let bitches like you tell me what to do. Got it? Don’t even bother trying to get me to go to that stupid fourth of July party at Damien’s just to make yourself look like you have a friend, because you just lost one.” she punched you in the gut, and wow was she a powerful one.
You felt your stomach crawl up your throat and a gagging sensation arose. You quickly grabbed your gut and whimpered softly. How much longer did life have to continue like this? You felt like an utter bitch, and you couldn’t imagine how much of a one you seemed like when you tried to get rid of Macy.
You held the razor firmly in your dominant hand and held in front of you, your wrist. You gritted your teeth before digging into your skin a deep cut as blood seeped out of the open wound. Your fingers trembled and quickly you slit another cut beside that one before the razor slipped from your fingers and hit the tied bathroom floor, echoing a clattering sound. “Shit...” you sniffled and wiped away the small tears that slid down your cheeks.
Blood dripped onto the floor and you sat on the sink counter, staring at the sparkling blood that splattered on the stained white tiles with the razor sitting on your lap. You let your slits bleed out to your side, not giving a care in the world if you even hit any major veins. “Just put me out of my misery already...” you whispered and glanced at the throbbing cuts.
It began to get darker outside and you sat in the bathroom for an hour, just thinking over your entire lie from birth, to this day now. ‘What in life went so wrong that put me in the place I’m stuck in now?’ you wondered and watched the blood on the floor dry.
Why was life so stale? It was like biting into a raw lemon... Only everyday. You jumped off the counter and bandaged up the cuts, thinking up some excuse to tell your parents when they asked what happened. You left the bathroom and ran down the long corridor that consisted of closets, your two older brother’s rooms and your baby sisters room and into your bedroom.
The wall were covered in posters of your favorite bands, shows, and other things to your fascination. You leaned on the door until it clicked shut and stood there with your back forced against the wooden door. “__? Are you in there?” you jumped, alarmed as you heard your mom knock on the door.
You turned on the lights and dived onto your bed, opening your book that aid on your nightstand open to a random page and made it look as if you had been reading and relaxing in your room. “Hi mom.” you greeted her as she opened the door and stepped inside.
She waved and wiped her hands onto the apron she wore. She gave your room a glance before sighing and stepping back out. “Dinners ready when you are.” she smiled generously before walking down the hall and downstairs into the kitchen.
“Guess dinner will never be ready, then...” you muttered under your hot breath before getting up and sitting on the edge of your bed. Did everyone avoid you because you lacked maturity? Or that you were too bossy? Maybe you would wake up to a better life...
You shook your head and placed a foot onto the cold floor and pulled on a extra large sweatshirt to hide the bandages around your wrist. Once you fixed up your hair, you made your way downstairs into the kitchen as everyone sat at the table eating. The oldest brother, Mac, belched and left his plate for mom to clear before going upstairs to play more Xbox. “__, there you are!” you dad smiled and pulled out a chair for you as your mom set down a steaming plate of chicken, peas, and mashed potatoes. “Come here and have dinner with us. Your mother made fantastic mashed potatoes.” he complimented her cooking as you reluctantly sat down beside your other brother, Max and little sister Rose.
Despite the fact your stomach was starving, you couldn’t eat with a full head of entire negative thoughts. And with this bothering you, you pushed the plate away towards the center of the table and scooted back and out of your chair. “I’m sorry mom, I’m sure it is as good as dad says but I just uh... Lost my appetite.” you buried your hands into your pockets and looked at the cooling food.
It was silent, and your mom sighed and swallowed down the painful urge to yell at you for not being family orientated and sitting with everyone to eat and share their day together. “That’s fine sweetie, I can always heat it up later.” she kissed your forehead and wrapped the plate of food up and put it into the fridge.
Although you felt guilty for declining dinner in front of everyone (except Mac... XD), you decided you’d sneak out later tonight and get some fast-food and maybe go for a walk around the park. All the cloudy thoughts that blocked your mind from thinking straight wasn’t exactly pleasing you.
You spent the night upstairs locked away in the emptiness of your bedroom with the radio turned on low and a book in front of your eyes. As soon as everyone seemed quiet in the house, you took the opportunity of the moment to sneak out. But although you had a window in your bedroom, the height was too risky to jump.
You slowly stood up and reached for the spare flashlight kept under your bed and flicked it on. The light was bright and practically blinding you, making it obvious the batteries were brand new. You tip-toed towards your bedroom door, slowly turning the doorknob as the hinges on the door creaked. You bit your bottom lip and began to stealth down the hallway, passing your dad and moms room.
How dark could a house get at night? Kind of creepy, to be honest... You crept down the stairs until your hit the bottom floor and landed your eyes on the front door. You stopped, and looked down at your wrist. The wound stopped bleeding, but there was stained blood on the white bandages from when it was bleeding. Your eyes narrowed, and for some reason you just wanted to fall down and let life restart. Too bad there wasn’t a remote for that.
You breathed in and out from your nose and returned back to reality. You looked up at the door and shuffled quietly in front of it. You slid the lock open and stepped outside. It wasn’t hot, but it wasn’t cold, just the kind of temperature you loved. ‘I wonder how Damien and that girl are...’ you thought and reminded yourself the two reasons you were only sneaking out. One, to get some food in your stomach, and two, get the stress that drowned you out of your system for the night.
You walked off the patio and swallowed, walking down your driveway and stepping foot onto the sidewalk. You took in a deep breath and walked down the sidewalk casually, passing trees and street lamps occasionally. Everything seemed to be in order, except for one thing that stood out the most to you. It wasn’t that you didn’t expect a few other people to be out this late, but there was just one certain person who stood on the other side of the road. They weren’t facing you, in fact you weren’t sure if they were even facing your direction at all.
‘No...’ you told yourself. ‘Don’t worry about them, you’re out here to enjoy yourself and get some air.’ you continued to walk, passing closed stores as you saw an opened cafe ahead and decided that would be a good place to stop and get a drink and something to eat.
You picked up the pace and felt the rush of the summer breeze push against you, and for once, you were able to let loose. You turned and pushed open the glass door. Three tables were taken along with a few seats at the mini bar. You took a table to the far left in the back of the cafe, and waited for a waitress. “Hello ma’am, my name is Emily and I’ll be your waiter tonight. How can I help you?” she smiled and pulled out a small pad and pen.
Before you ordered what you usually ordered at other restaurants, you realized you forgot to bring money. “Oh no... Uh, I’m so sorry I forgot my money! Could I maybe come back?” you felt a hot burn on your face and she smiled.
She nodded and stepped aside from your table. “That’s fine.” she told you and walked back behind the counter.
You thanked her before running out of the cafe and down the street, your flashlight on and shining the way in front of you.